Sunday, July 22, 2012

So Happy ToGether!

I've been under some new stress this year.  

Not all running related, but some of it is...  I have come to realize that I put huge amounts of pressure on myself to perform.  To be Galactically BadA**.  To Not Suck.  To not....  disappoint my coaches.  

Weird, right?  

Not sure what they would say about that.  Still, that pressure leads to fear and anxiety.  It's lead to my not enjoying my running as much.  It's not their fault, I don't blame the ones I love for my fear.  

And I do love my coaches.  

I love hearing what they think, gleaning their wisdom, and knowing that knowing them is making me a stronger runner one footstrike at a time.  I love that they'll hang back with me, they'll check in, they'll leave me in the dust.  All appropriate in the moment.

Last week, at the beach, I decided to it was time to let some of the fear go.  I don't run for my coaches.  I run for me.  I don't run for The Marathon.  I run for me.  

I don't run...

I run.

Yesterday MTTographer caught me on film.  It's probably my favorite running photo this year.
Not because I've had an offer from Victoria's Secret.
Well, it is only Sunday....  

I love the photo because my eyes look happy.  The joy that I find in running is right there, for anyone to see.

I love running.  Running doesn't care how fast or slow we go.  Running enjoys the moment.  Running likes to be savored.  Running appreciates that some days are about maximum effort, and some days are about recovery.  Running empowers me to be stronger than my weak mind.

We have several months to go before The Marathon ~said in the big movie announcer voice~ and I need to find a way to culture my relationship with running. To do that, I need to banish the fear.

I need to reclaim the faith.

I need to run more.

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